Obituary

Baron, Le; aka "Kelly". The loving companion of Lauren Jeanee B--- passed on yesterday (03/29/05) in a tragic drowning accident. After years of friendship and loyalty, the forest green convertible - with a quirky talent for squealing wheels, expertly racing much more expensive BMW's, and evading boys interested in the car's flirtatious owner - sported a brand new camel-colored canvas roof and the ever present reminder that even she sometimes went topless. Late last night, Miss B--- was informed of the tragedy. Her friends and last-minute spokesperson, Victoria S---, spoke kindly, but firmly impressed upon reporters that Miss B--- was not to be disturbed in her grieving period. "The Le Baron was almost a member of the family. It would be uncouth and downright rude to impose on Miss B--- while she is mourning," S--- said with a sad smile. The memorial for the car will be held next Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 at Miss B---s residence. In lieu of flowers, please bring Frappacinos, Dr. Peppers, or donations to the Feed the Starving Undergraduates Fund.