"Drowning Man"

The sound split me in two
A splash beyond the railing
Shattered water, shattered life
We all ran to watch

“Look,” they cried, “man overboard!”
“It truly is a shame…”
“Help him!” I begged. “Don’t let him drown!”
Confusion answered quickly: “We can’t swim; why else would we be on a boat?”

It was all I needed to jump in after
Down towards your floundering form
Hardly knowing you, I jumped
I loved life to much to see you loose it

Icy knives bore us up
That moment I felt frightened too
But I saw the world behind your troubled eyes
Held tight and fast and whispered

“You’ll be alright, I promise! Just hold on to me and try to relax. Take a deep breath or two and we’ll swim back to the ship.”

Panic, held you closer to its jealous breast
Without a word you grabbed my arms and froze
A dead weight, a lifeless anchor
Slipping us both solidly under

I tried to free my arms, tried to pull us up
You held me tight and dragged me down
Looked me in the eyes
Glaring with a feral rage

“This is my moment,” you hissed, “my glory, my honor, my life. What do you have to do with it? Why are you stealing my limelight?”
“What?” I gasped, lungs filling with brine and skewers.
“If you take me back” –

I saw your façade fade
I saw the lonely panic
I saw the misplaced hope
I saw the child in you
I saw the promise
I saw the chance to save you still
And I held on –

"they will all think you saved me” –

It was gone again
Lost in the depths of your misbegotten anger
Lost in the throes of your desolate heart
Lost in ways I couldn’t understand
Lost and drowned and suffocated
Like we both would be –

“and you will get my glory. And you will get my love. I’ll be remembered for this! I’ll be immortal! And they’ll hate you for not saving me! They’ll hate you!”

You let go of me, pried my hands away
Tore my heart as you drifted downwards
Livid eyes burning your lonely anger
Into the depths of my soul

I watched you go, helpless
I was helpless, too
The weight of your decision almost
---not quite---
Dragged me down with you

I hardly knew I’d broken the surface
The air ran into my lungs
Painfully giving me back
What you’d refused to keep

Back on deck, no one cared
No one mentioned that you were gone
All your work and hopes
Shattered like the water

I was split in two again
A second splash ripped through me
A second shatter, a second life
And everyone turned to watch

“Look,” they cried, “man overboard!”
“It truly is a shame…”
“Help him!” someone begged. “Don’t let him drown!”

I looked to the new voice
I saw your face, glaring until the dark
That lived in you swallowed you whole
A crippling sight, a soul-wrenching thought

Confusion helped me answer quickly: “I can’t swim; why else would I be on a boat?”